Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
