Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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