Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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