yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
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She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
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Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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