why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
soo... how was my night?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
