Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
