College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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