that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just googled if crying burns calories
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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