A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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