All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
