Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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