yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
