I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
