How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
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The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
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IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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