If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
