He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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