They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
