it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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