yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
