party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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