youre lurking in front of me
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize