U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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