The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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