Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
