Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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