I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
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Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
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Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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