ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
