He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
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I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
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I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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