This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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