no. you can't hotbox the world.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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