My hair reeks of homosexuality.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
