I think my vagina is haunted
I smell stomach acid.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
