i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
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I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
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I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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