I love black thongs
It's Friday. Sex?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Still dying that you shit outside
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just want to make out with him forever
Randomize
