On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize