Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
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you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
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The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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