so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
