Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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