I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
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Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
lol hangovers are for mortals.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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