yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
