Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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