What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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