god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
