Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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