I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
