have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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