go do what you do best...puke behind churches
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
