yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
