If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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