He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with