I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Randomize
