k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
