also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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