Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize